she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
