Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
