gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
