Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
