I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
