dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
