6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
