I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
