i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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