i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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