I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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