Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
