Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
