It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm like, not good at living.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
