I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
