Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
