just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
