just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
