so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
