i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
