haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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