so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
