I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
