I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
