I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I want to have your abortion
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
