Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I would fuck him just for his dog
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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