the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
