her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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