I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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