When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
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