Plan B is the new Plan A
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
