my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
