yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
