I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
