tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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