Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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