he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
