i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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