we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
