There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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