Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
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