fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
