Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
