apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
