She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
