I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
