i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
