I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
