my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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