You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
this beer tastes like vomit already
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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